Belated "Crap!"

[lance_sibley]

I had a long phone conversation about five hours ago... karaoke tomorrow night has been cancelled due to illness (his).

Crap.

Not that it really matters, because he seems to be... well... oblivious. I could go into tremendous amounts of detail but I'd bore people to tears - and besides, no matter what anyone says, I can hear it his voice. I mean, why else would he tell me about the guy who hit on him on the streetcar this afternoon? I mean, I've told him I find him attractive, and interesting, and everything else, and he still doesn't seem to understand the implications... he laughs and calls me "sweet," and proceeds to ask me if I think he should go out with this guy from the streetcar.

Crap.

Well, he's either oblivious or just not interested...

On the upside, this means I can conceivably be awake in time for my 10:30 cybermeeting Saturday morning.

Silver linings.

In other news... the Gaylaxicon 2006 website has been updated... more updates coming soon.

Comments

[ozreison.livejournal.com]

Don't be disappointed. If he's not interested, he's evil, and therefore not worth the effort. ;)

*hugs*

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

Thanks - the hugs are appreciated. About the other - I don't know that he's not interested, as I'm not exactly the most forthcoming person when it comes to being explicit about my desires. So he may have thought that I was engaging in nothing more than friendly low-level flirting...

But you're probably right. He's evil. So I recruited him onto Gaylaxicon staff in the PR department instead...

[ozreison.livejournal.com]

But you're probably right. He's evil. So I recruited him onto Gaylaxicon staff in the PR department instead...

I worship your braveness in the face of such awesome evilness. ;)

[randomyst.livejournal.com]

OMG! I sympathize with the man drama.

At least you don't get what I've gotten the last time I was interested in a gentleman. Which is basically that he'd sleep with me if given the chance but date me, mmmm not so much. *rolls eyes*

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

OMG! I sympathize with the man drama.

Thanks... see tonight's post for more.

At least you don't get what I've gotten the last time I was interested in a gentleman. Which is basically that he'd sleep with me if given the chance but date me, mmmm not so much. *rolls eyes*

He doesn't know what he'd be missing. :) I tend to get the "you're a nice guy, but..." speech a lot. Sometimes it takes until day 21 of a relationship before I get that. (Three times now, it's happened on day 21... every other roll in the hay I've had in the past eight years - about eight of them, I'm too drunk to count properly :) - hasn't even gotten that far.)

[rockgoddes.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, dude...really.

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

Thanks... I'm still holding out a faint hope that he's interpreting what I've said as friendly flirting (I do tend to be a bit of a flirt in fandom, hence my new nickname :) ) and hasn't actually realized that I mean it...

[kaijugal.livejournal.com]

That definately sounds like 'not interested', BOoo to that.

:( You rock! You deserve an equally great guy. ^_^

Just remember, men are like busses...er.. except softer. Well unless you want them to be hard.. um..yeah... *runs away*

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

*nonplussed*

I'm not sure how to respond to that... probably because I'm drunk right now. :)

But thanks!

(As for the "hard" bit... well, see tonight's post.)

[avt-tor.livejournal.com]

I have no idea how this works in the gay community, but among heterosexuals, when a woman does this to a man, she is clearly communicating that she is not interested. It almost never means that she isn't picking up on the guy's signals, it means that she is trying to let him down gently (or at least avoid the subject in a non-confrontational way).


To complicate matters, if a woman is clearly communicating that she is not interested, it does not actually mean that she is not interested under any circumstances. But in almost all cases, it does mean that one has to leave the initiative to them.


The general rule, whether one is looking for a job or a date, is not to act desperate. If you go to a job interview, don't let it be just them trying to decide if they like you, you need to interview the employer to see if they are people you can work with. (Asking "why did your last employee leave the position?" can really change the interview dynamic.) Basically, if you act like you're valuable and you would be doing someone a favor by working for them, you can get them thinking about what they'd miss by *not* hiring you.

Same thing with dating; sometimes you have to step back and make people come to you. If they never have to make that decision in an early stage of the relationship, they'll take a person for granted later.


But if you're talking to a friend (whatever else you might want the relationship to develop into) and they ask your advice, give them the best advice you can. I would typically use a Socratic method and just ask them what they are looking for in a relationship. (This is how being helpful might help you later.)


Gay men are at a disadvantage in that they don't always realize that men are scum. Straight men are told this all the time. ;)

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

I have to think about this more in depth when I haven't been awake for 19 hours and had three pints of beer.

But as regards the gay-vs.-straight dynamic, I haven't figured it out yet either, and I was in a seven-year relationship at one point in my life. :)

It certainly possible that he's deliberately choosing to treat my signals as something other than what they are because he's not interested; on the other hand, while he's bi he's never been in a relationship with a man so his ability to pick up on those signals may not be fully developed. Plus, as I said to rockgoddes above, I have a reputation for flirting in a joking manner (the new nickname I referred to in that response is "Easy Chair") so he may not be differentiating between my facetious flirting and my actual interest. I may have to be a little more demonstrative with him in order to convey the fact that I'm actually being serious (hey, that's how I figured out that Joe was interested the night we met - after an hour of talking, he grabbed me and kissed me).

The general rule, whether one is looking for a job or a date, is not to act desperate. If you go to a job interview, don't let it be just them trying to decide if they like you, you need to interview the employer to see if they are people you can work with. (Asking "why did your last employee leave the position?" can really change the interview dynamic.) Basically, if you act like you're valuable and you would be doing someone a favor by working for them, you can get them thinking about what they'd miss by *not* hiring you.

Same thing with dating; sometimes you have to step back and make people come to you. If they never have to make that decision in an early stage of the relationship, they'll take a person for granted later.

Considering my current employment situation, that advice is particularly apropos. Though I recall, a few years ago, I was in Woody's talking to Brandon, one of the bartenders (who knew me as well as anyone, considering that I tended to gravitate towards whichever station he was working at and we talked a lot; in fact, he remembered my birthday every year and always bought me a shot :) ) and he told me that I tend to give off a vibe when I'm in the bar that says "don't bother me". I have yet to figure out what, exactly, I'm doing that gives off that vibe (and it was just an instinct with him, and nothing that he could put his finger on). So the catch-22 is that while you're right in that I can't always be chasing after Mr. Right and sometimes have to let Mr. Right come to me, I haven't yet figured out how to convey with my body language that I'm open to being approached.

But if you're talking to a friend (whatever else you might want the relationship to develop into) and they ask your advice, give them the best advice you can.

That's actually what I did when we were talking on the phone - I put aside my feelings and advised him as well as I could, which was to say that while going for coffee with the guy couldn't hurt, the situation was just bizarre enough that I would be careful and make sure that any meetings took place in a public location in view of witnesses lest the guy be something other than completely stable. After all, it's not every day that a guy hits on another guy on the Dundas streetcar. (Though I do have a story in my own past that's similar; my seatmate on the Ottawa-Toronto bus one time, many years ago, was a student from France who was touring Canada, and I happened to notice what he was writing in his journal about me - those 11 high school French credits came in handy. :) Though I never said anything to him about the fact that I had been reading over his shoulder, and nothing ever happened...)

More in the next comment... I just found out that there's a 4300 character limit on comments, and apparently this one hit 4600. :) (I didn't realize that I was so verbose, especially considering the amount of alcohol I've had tonight. :) )

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

Continued from previous comment...

I would typically use a Socratic method and just ask them what they are looking for in a relationship. (This is how being helpful might help you later.)

Or it might backfire and depress me even further when I realize that what he's looking for is something I can't give him...

But yes, I should actually help him to figure out what he's looking for anyway. I'm not sure whether he's sure... apart from the fact that he's decided to try dating men, he hasn't exactly given me a lot of detail yet.

Gay men are at a disadvantage in that they don't always realize that men are scum. Straight men are told this all the time. ;)

Oh, I've had my experiences with scum... remind me to tell you sometime about the one-night stand I had with the guy who robbed me. Or the guy who turned out to be a drug addict who stalked me for nine months...

[kosst-amojan.livejournal.com]

Hmmmmmm......

Unfortunately, the logical conclusion is that he isn't interested. But one thing I've learned is that the logical conclusion isn't always the right conclusion. There is one constant in the universe: guys are dumb and are more trouble than they're worth. Well, except for you and me, and few others. But thit list grows shorter by the day.

[boywhocantsayno.livejournal.com]

Wise words... and I appreciate them.

There is one constant in the universe: guys are dumb and are more trouble than they're worth.

I don't know if I'd call them "more trouble than they're worth", because from my experience, a relationship can be most rewarding. (Well, that's what my vague memory of the last one tells me. Not that I'm bitter or anything. ;) )

Well, except for you and me, and few others. But thit list grows shorter by the day.

Thanks - and if you run out of those "few other" guys to date, I'm still here. ;)

(You can slap me for saying that the next time you see me. But bear in mind that I just got home from Woody's and turned down a random guy who tried to pick me up on the street while I was waiting for the bus, so my mind is in a weird place at the moment.)