ARGH!

[lance_sibley]

fuckFuckfuckFUCKfuckFuckFUCKfuckFUCK!!!!!!!!!!

cuteteenboy asks me every week to call him on Tuesdays to remind him about bowling on Wednesday. So I emailed him Monday to remind him and phoned him again yesterday. He didn't respond to the email reminder, but he did answer his phone yesterday and said, "Yes, no problem, I'll be at Pape station at 5:45." So I arrived on time, and he wasn't there. I went up to the bus platform, back down to the walkway between the bus platform and the subway platform, back up, back down and back up again, across to the main entrance and back down to a pay phone, where I called him at 6:06 to let him know that I wasn't waiting any longer, and that he should just take the #25 bus there himself. At 6:57, he still wasn't there, so I borrowed Randy's cell phone and called him - it went to his voicemail. We started late because they were giving out some of the trophies tonight rather than at the banquet, but he still wasn't there. He ended up not showing at all.

The first game started really well, with two spares and a strike, but then I went into the tank, missing a couple of easy spares and then getting two splits in a row. Five open frames in a row. (FUCK!) I managed to get marks in the ninth and tenth to salvage a 139. Following this game, we were in last place. At this point, h8torun (who had shown up to cheer us on, even though she still couldn't bowl) started saying things to get me angry, because I'd been bowling better when I was angry at the start of the night.

The second game started amazingly well, despite our being placed against the wall on lane 31. (In the playoffs, teams change lane assignments every game.) I managed a 194, including a turkey (three consecutive strikes). Mario was even better, scoring a 234 - he started with seven strikes in a row. I'm not sure where we were placed after the second game, but our team total was something like 1180, which is amazing considering that we were bowling with a dummy score (140 plus a 30 handicap).

The third game, we were bowling on the same set of lanes as John's team. (You know where this is going, don't you?) Again, I managed to do fairly decently, ending with a 180. Our team total was something like 1140.

Following the end of the third game, we walked over to the scoreboard to see whether we made it into the top 7 and so qualified for the finals next Friday night. We ended up in ninth, missing 7th place by 79 measley pins - which we would have gotten had cuteteenboy shown up and averaged 107 for the night. (Yes, we could also have gotten there if I had bowled as well last week as I did tonight. Or if each of us who was there had gotten an average of three more pins per game last week and tonight. But that's not the point. Don't get in the way of my anger.)

Oh, and while we were waiting for the scores to go up, I found myself standing behind John. I managed to find the nerve to ask him if he wanted to get together some time for coffee or something. He said, "You mean, like a date?" I said "yes, like a date." (While I was thinking to myself, "Do I look like Goji^*? Of course I mean a date.") He turned me down. (It seems his teammate wasn't quite right last week when I asked her if he was seeing anyone - her response had been, "I think he might be, but if he is, it isn't serious.") FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK!!!!!

Between that, and last Sunday night's experience, and all the other crap that I've dealt with, I just. Give. Up. I'm through. I'm sick of rejection, I'm sick of the "you're a nice guy, but" speech, and I'm sick of thinking that maybe, somewhere on the planet (preferably in this city), there might be a guy who could possibly find me attractive and interesting who isn't already involved with someone else and/or married.

Now, the question is, do I leave this post up, or not... it hasn't exactly been cathartic, judging by the way I'm currently pounding the keys.

Oh, and memo to johi36: it seems there's a new Erasure album that came out this week, called "Union City." It was mentioned on one of our all-day news stations, of all places. I found a copy at HMV (I didn't buy it, though - Future Shop is cheaper, but they couldn't find the one copy their computer said they had, so I'm going back on Friday), and it looks like it's all acoustic remixes of songs that were originally released on other albums, with one exception: "Tenderest Moments," which seems to have been released on a CD single that I've never seen.

^* - obligatory TrekBBS reference for my friends from that board. Goji is a poster who had a run of bad luck where he'd ask girls out, and they'd accept and go out with him, and then turn around and say, "Oh, I didn't know that was intended to be a "date" date.")

Comments

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

Dude, you are *so* missing the point. You asked someone out, and he said no because he's already seeing someone. That's not really rejection. And even if it were, you're no worse off than you were. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. No one gets a hit every time at bat. *insert other platitudes here*

Seriously, you should be proud of yourself for taking a chance. It will increase your chances of someone saying "yes."

[con-girl.livejournal.com]

I got to agree here. It has got to be harder for gay monogamous people* to find matches. Yet another way life isn't fair. I still think that a cute con-goer like yourself will find someone.

*not that it is a whole lot easier for bisexual poly people who are attracted mostly to other bis have it any easier - I was fabulously lucky.

[marahsk.livejournal.com]

How is it harder for gay monogamous people than it is for straight monogamous people? Plenty of gays are monogamous; who do you think is fighting for the right to get married?

[thirdworld.livejournal.com]

Agreed. Good for you! At least you know you can move on. Many many *hugs* anyway.

[huntingdon.livejournal.com]

Bad luck, but do keep on trying. At least there is a non-negative reason for the rejection!

[summ3r-daze.livejournal.com]

{{hug}}

[redeem147.livejournal.com]

Most of my friends who seem happy with someone, after long periods of drought, met them when they'd finally given up on the whole thing. Don't know that it applies to everyone, but it might give you hope.

[yellow-freshia.livejournal.com]

I hear you. And can totally sympathize. *hugs*

[rockgoddes.livejournal.com]

Ah man, that bites. I totally get where you're coming from. I got there myself once, many moons ago...just gave up completely and started planning the rest of my life as a single person. It was a very liberating feeling.

Then the rockgod told me how he felt about me, and that changed that! ;oD

Lots of {{HUGS}}, man.

[mencc1701.livejournal.com]

While I was thinking to myself, "Do I look like Goji*?

Nah, there are no references to you being the ugliest human being on the planet and being destined to die alone. ;)

Seriously, though, you took a shot, and that's better than nothing! And as someone else said, if he's already seeing someone then it's not really rejection. More bad luck, than anything. It's always better to take a swing and a miss than to get a called strike. Alright, worst analogy ever, but you get my point.

[kaijugal.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I think you're quite wonderful for what it's worth. If the silly, blind boys out there can't see it, :P to them. I know that doesn't help much when you feel like ass about everything, but it's genuine for what it's worth.

I do agree with the previous posters however that it's good you put yourself forward like that. As my good friend says, "You can't win the lottery without a ticket." ^_^

[hoskie.livejournal.com]

*pats you on the head* Do you want me to find you a yenta? ;)

[indydark.livejournal.com]

I'll edit my reply to make it more palitable, as I like you...Take pride that you actually asked someone and when you've done it so many times that you count them all on just both hands, give me a call. Adding another platitude "nothing ventured, nothing gained".

And stay away from the Yentas..Yentl is okay, Yenta is not..Trust ME!!